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Red Flags In A Relationship: 7 Signs You Should Never Ignore (& What To Do)

 

Love can make us see things through rose-colored glasses—blinding us to the warning signs that something's off in our relationship. We convince ourselves our partner is perfect, that they'd never hurt us, but when we overlook certain behaviors, they can spiral out of control, leading to a breakup we never saw coming. The truth? Those signs, also known as red flags, are early warnings of deeper issues brewing beneath the surface. Ignoring them can lead to bigger problems. 

 

So let’s break down some common red flags, real-life relationship scenarios where they show up, and how you can tackle them head-on.

 

Common Red Flags in Relationships

 

1. Lack of Communication

 

Ever been in a relationship where you feel like you’re talking, but nothing’s really being said? Maybe your partner avoids discussing future plans, shuts down during conflicts, or gives you the cold shoulder instead of expressing their feelings. 

 

You may try to bring up something important like moving in together or when(or if) you want kids, but your partner immediately changes the subject or gets defensive. And just like that, most meaningful conversations get swept under the rug.

 

What To Do

 

Don’t let the lack of communication slide. I repeat, don't. Approach your partner gently and ask why they struggle with communication. Whether it's fear of vulnerability, past trauma, or something else, encourage an open dialogue, and make sure you're truly listening.

 

2. Constant Criticism or Belittling

 

No one likes feeling like they’re constantly doing something wrong. Criticism from a partner, especially when it’s relentless, can make the other feel small, undervalued, and insecure. And this is sure to destroy the foundation of a relationship over time. A good example is getting a promotion at work, but instead of celebrating, your partner makes a sarcastic comment like, “Oh, I guess you'll finally be able to pay for X or Y now." Little jabs like this might seem harmless, but they add up and hurt really deep.

 

What To Do

 

Set clear boundaries on how you expect to be treated. Use constructive communication to call out hurtful behavior—that is, don't say: "you're wrong for..." Say: "I feel hurt when you..."

 

3. Controlling or Manipulative Behavior

 

It might start off subtle, like your partner getting upset when you spend time with friends. But when it escalates to controlling and trying to learn every detail about your movements, finances, or who  you hang out with, that’s a red flag you can’t ignore.

 

What To Do

 

Firmly set boundaries and make it clear that while you care for them, you won’t allow them to dictate your life. Tough but essential.

 

4. Emotional or Physical Abuse

 

There’s no gray area when it comes to abuse. Whether it’s yelling, name-calling, hitting, or gaslighting, if you find yourself constantly questioning your sanity or feeling scared of your partner, it’s time to take SERIOUS action. I've seen multiple cases of partners, during arguments, calling the other names or saying hurtful things like "you're too sensitive" or "that's why you never had someone really care for you.” A red flag that mustn't be overlooked.

 

What To Do

Abuse is never okay. If you recognize this in your relationship, it’s critical to seek professional help immediately. If the behavior doesn’t change, leaving might be the healthiest decision.

 

5. Lack of Trust or Jealousy

 

Trust is the foundation of any relationship. If your partner constantly checks your phone, grills you about where you’ve been, or accuses you of cheating without cause, it’s a sign of deep insecurity and distrust. 

 

What To Do

Rebuilding trust is very possible, but if accusations and jealousy keep recurring, it might be time to rethink the relationship. Because at the end of the day, no relationship survives without trust.

 

6. Avoidance of Conflict

 

Every time you bring up something that bothers you in the relationship, and your partner either changes the subject, pretends everything is fine, or storms off, it's time to take action.

 

I know. Avoiding conflict can sometimes feel like the easier route, but in reality, it only makes things worse - as important issues remain unresolved.

 

What To Do

Create a safe space where both of you can discuss concerns without fear of escalation. Healthy conflict is key to growth in any relationship.

 

7. Gap in Values

 

While no couple will agree on everything, major differences in values—like views on kids, religion, or financial goals—can create long-term friction.

 

What To Do: 

Discuss whether compromises can be made of your values. If not, it might be a sign the relationship isn’t meant to last.

 

How to Address Red Flags Before They Escalate

 

1. Open Communication

 

Healthy communication is the foundation of any strong relationship. If your partner’s actions are making you feel uncomfortable or hurt, it’s important to speak up—but how you approach it makes all the difference. Instead of pointing fingers or assigning blame, focus on expressing how you feel. For instance, say, “I feel upset when you don’t respond to my messages,” rather than “You never text me back.” This reduces defensiveness and opens the door for a productive conversation.

 

2. Setting Boundaries

 

Boundaries are vital to maintaining your individuality and sense of self within a relationship. Whether it’s needing time alone, privacy, or space to pursue personal interests, boundaries show respect for yourself and your partner. Don’t be afraid to assert these needs—they’re essential for fostering mutual respect.

 

3. Seeking Professional Help

 

Sometimes, red flags point to deeper issues that need more than just a heart to heart conversation. Therapy, whether individual or couples counseling, can be incredibly helpful. A licensed therapist offers a neutral space where both partners can express themselves openly and work through problems with guidance. This can be especially helpful when the root cause of an issue—like past trauma or deeply ingrained behavior patterns—is difficult to tackle on your own.

 

4. Knowing When to Walk Away

 

Not every relationship can—or should—be saved. When red flags like emotional or physical abuse, manipulation, or constant disrespect persist despite your best efforts, it’s important to prioritize your well-being. Walking away doesn’t mean you’ve failed; it means you’ve chosen to protect yourself. Ending a relationship can be difficult, but staying in a toxic situation will only cause more harm.

 

Conclusion

It’s easy to ignore red flags, hoping they’ll fade or resolve themselves. But in reality, they only grow if left unaddressed.

 

The good news? Many issues can be tackled early if both partners are willing to put in the work.

So for the sake of your mental, emotional, and physical health, pay attention to the signs and take action. And if you ever feel overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to check out my new book, The Couples Communication Handbook: The Skills You Never Learned for the Marriage You Always Wanted.